A startling number of men have told me how seasons of porn use have been the darkest times of their lives. They felt like evil monsters and rapists for what often seems to me moderate levels of porn consumption. They describe feelings of shame, depression, and fear, and they hate how it ramps up their sexuality.

In the online “Reboot” community – a vast movement of men abstaining from porn and masturbation – the mood is similarly dark. Men regularly share suicidal feelings, describe themselves as perverts and failures when they “relapse”, and blame their various woes, like erectile dysfunction and struggles to find real-world sex partners, on porn use. (I’m not linking to these communities because, frankly, they are a bit scary and are known to retaliate against criticism.)