Can I Return to Christianity?

I sometimes think doctrinal Christianity is like drug addiction. After growing up in the magisterial order of Christianity, glimpsing the vastness of a triune God and the revolutionary beauty of a self-sacrificing god-man, the secular world is a pale place by comparison. I feel a raging maw in the center of my core nothing else fills. No matter how good my life is — and my life is very good — there is an insatiable restlessness.

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Sibling Rivalry: Are We Free? | Elizabeth Schultz

In this episode of Sacred Tension, my sister Elizabeth Schultz returns for a spirited debate about free will, the existence of God, and the foundations of morality. I am skeptical of the concept of free will, miracles, and God, while my sister defends them.

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I love hearing back from my audience. Did you agree with us in this conversation? Disagree? Let us know in the comments below. If your comment is excellent, I might feature it in an upcoming post.

Why I Am Not a Christian: The Gift of Unbelief

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This is the finale of my Why I Am Not a Christian series.

In part one, I explored why I came to doubt claims of the miraculous, thereby undermining my core Christian convictions. In part two, I explain why I came to doubt the veracity of inner experiences of God. In part three, I describe how my fear of a godless universe kept me from accepting nontheism, and how I came to understand that my fear of such a universe was no argument against it.

I could cover quite a bit more: why I came to doubt the historical claims of Christianity, for example, or why I no longer believe the Christ story is unique. I could also tell of how my near conversion to Roman Catholicism permanently hobbled my faith. Perhaps I will, at some point, tell those stories.

But, for now, I will bring this series to a close. I want to circle back to where I started, and the podcast conversation that launched this series.

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Why I am Not a Christian: The Problem with Fearing Godlessness

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This is the third installment in my Why I am Not a Christian series. I invite you to read the other articles, but they are not necessary to follow what I will argue in this post.


One of the things that kept me from accepting my disbelief for so long was a fear of what the universe would be like without God. As Soren Kierkegaard wrote in Fear and Trembling:

“If there were no eternal consciousness in a man, if at the bottom of everything there were only a wild ferment, a power that twisting in dark passions produced everything great or inconsequential; if an unfathomable, insatiable emptiness lay hid beneath everything, what would life be but despair?”

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Why I Am Not a Christian: The Problem With Experiencing God

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This post is a continuation of my series on why I am no longer a Christian. In my last post, I explored how I came to doubt the core miraculous and supernatural claims of Christianity. I invite you to read that post, but it isn’t required to follow what I’m arguing for here.

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Why I am Not A Christian: The Problem of Miracles

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In a recent podcast with my Christian sister, she pressed me on the reasons why I don’t believe. I always struggle with answering this question because the reasons are so complicated that I’m never prepared to give a succinct answer.

Instead, I gave a more meta answer: doubt is something that happened to me. I can’t say what it was that made me the skeptic, and why my skepticism was so relentless when others in my life were content to just believe. That is a mystery of temperament. To this day, I continue to believe that, ultimately, faith and lack of faith are not conscious choices, but forces beyond our control that emerge from the depths beneath conscious cognition.

But the questions keep coming, and they probably won’t stop. Prompted by my sister’s question, I decided to sit down and write out my post hoc reasons and the story I tell myself about why I lost my Christian faith. The document started to run long, though, and this is just one portion. If readers enjoy this essay, I might release the other segments.

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I Left Christianity Because I Stopped Believing In It

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In a recent article for The Atlantic, Jake Meador writes about the enormous decline in church attendance. He cites two reasons for the decline: abuse at the hands of the church and, most significantly, the structure of American life. Meador argues that our American culture of overwork squeezes people so much that the additional commitments of attending church just don’t feel feasible.

I have no doubt that Meador is describing a genuine phenomenon. Modern life is exhausting, and church, like all community, takes effort. Who wouldn’t prefer to sleep in on Sunday morning when you’ve spent the entire week at the office, stressing over bills, and taking care of your kids? “Workism reigns in America,” writes Meador, “and because of it, community in America, religious community included, is a math problem that doesn’t add up.” He’s concerned about this because church attendance is an important institution that correlates with general well-being:

Participation in a religious community generally correlates with better health outcomes and longer life, higher financial generosity, and more stable families—all of which are desperately needed in a nation with rising rates of loneliness, mental illness, and alcohol and drug dependency.

I agree with his concerns. I worry about the loss of institutions that contribute to human flourishing. But I want to point out another reason people stop going to church that is conspicuously absent from Meador’s article: they no longer believe the truth claims of Christianity.

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The Ravenous Need For Religious Order

Several weeks ago, a dear friend of mine told me, “I thought I could handle being an atheist. But I just can’t. The world is too terrifying without a religious structure. So I’ve chosen to go back to church, and go back to believing.” He said it with a downcast look of shame as if he was confessing something terrible. I didn’t think he was. I appreciated his honesty.

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